Jokes About Penguins

A programmer dad is walking through the zoo with his son.
Suddenly the son cries out and, tugging at his father's sleeve, points - "Dad, look, it's Linux!"

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God created work and the monkey so that man would result. The penguin he left alone, because it turned out well from the start.

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Penguins can fly!
You just have to push them out of a plane.

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A penguin walks into a New York bar, approaches the counter and orders a double whisky. The bartender, in complete shock, immediately rushes to the owner's table where he's going over some figures:
- Listen, a PENGUIN just walked in and ordered a double whisky! What should I do?
- Take 20 dollars from him, says the owner without looking up.
The bartender does so. The penguin calmly pays and sips his whisky watching TV. But curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he tries to start a conversation:
- You know, PENGUINS don't really come in here very often!
- If you charge 20 dollars for whisky, they won't!

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A penguin walks into a bar, approaches the counter and says to the bartender:
- The usual for me!
- Get lost! I have at least 500 customers a day! Maybe you want me to remember what everyone likes?!

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A newly rich man bought a Tamagotchi, but by the time he had read all the instructions and figured out how everything worked, it had already died. To prevent this from happening again, he hands the Tamagotchi to his wife and says:
- Keep an eye on it, look after it, just make sure nothing dies!
One day he's relaxing at the summer house with friends. He gets in the pool for a swim, leaving his mobile phone on the table. When he gets out of the pool, one of his friends says:
- Hey, you're really living the life!
- What happened? - the man doesn't understand.
- Your wife sent you a text, and I read it: "Your dolphin is sleeping. After the dinosaur I cleaned up all the droppings. The penguin, no matter how well you fed it, died."

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An old man is driving a lorry, transporting penguins to the zoo. The vehicle breaks down, of course. He starts repairing it, when a young nouveau riche fellow drives past in a 600. Being a good-natured soul, he stops and asks what the matter is. The old man explains - his vehicle is done for, and towing it isn't an option... The big-hearted fellow won't let it go, he wants to help somehow, asks what he can do. - "Well, take the penguins to the zoo then." No sooner said than done - the hefty fellow stuffs the penguins into his Merc and drives off. The old man stays to fix his vehicle.
A couple of hours later, he sees the hefty fellow coming back with all the penguins. All the penguins have baseball caps on their heads and their beaks are smeared with ice cream, and the old man is beside himself:
- What have you done?! The big-hearted fellow proudly announces: - We went to the zoo, now we're off to the amusement park!

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A lover came to visit her man, who has a talking parrot at home. To keep the bird out of the way, he hid it in the fridge. The couple had a wonderful evening. When it was over, the woman looks in the fridge:
- What on earth are you?! - she's startled.
- It's because of women like you that I'm now a penguin.

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On a bus, a boy starts up a lively conversation with a nun. Before getting off, the boy's mother, who had been sitting a few seats away, thanks the nun for being so responsive and chatting with her son, and asks:
- I hope he didn't say anything inappropriate?
The nun:
- No, he's a wonderful child! Could you just explain to him, please, that I'm not a penguin. I wasn't able to make that clear to him...

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An announcement has been made about Linux and MS Windows merging. The logo of the new product will be a penguin falling out of a window.

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- Dad, Dad, look - penguins are flying!
- Penguins, son, don't fly. That's the symphony orchestra - their plane crashed...

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A young man enters a marriage announcement on his computer: "The bride must be short in stature, modest, able to get by without expensive gifts, and able to swim."

The computer immediately returns: "Penguin - female."

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...says:
- Hey, you're really living the life!
- What happened? - the man doesn't understand.
- Your wife sent you a text, and I read it: "Your dolphin is sleeping. After the dinosaur I cleaned up all the droppings. The penguin, no matter how well you fed it, died."

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There are three creatures in the world who don't feel the cold at minus 25 degrees: penguins, polar bears, and girls in mini skirts and without hats.