The Comfort Zone

A personal comfort zone is in reality a terrible thing, as it significantly hinders any change or development in a person's life. Any influence of external circumstances or the people around us directed at changing our personal comfort zone is perceived as a threat.

Every other day I arrive at work late - just a paltry 5–10 minutes - receive a reproachful look or a verbal reprimand from my boss, but actually feel inwardly fine - hmm, I was paid attention to. The next morning the scenario repeats itself.

I support my adult 30-year-old son, who has been unemployed for seven months now, and his two children; I work two jobs and exhaust myself to the bone, but... I feel fine, because they need me.

On the first of every month I swear to myself to start a strict diet, sign up for callanetics, and attend regularly. But today a work colleague has a birthday - a small slice of cake is fine; tomorrow is my best friend's name day, I can't refuse, she baked a cake especially for me. I eat these sweets and again feel inwardly angry about my lack of willpower, but I feel comfortable enjoying how the sweetness indulges my taste buds.

Again those tedious questions about the same thing - how many times can one explain, can't those students just sit down and learn once and for all that coordinates on a map are read as so many degrees east longitude and north latitude. I'm at my wit's end explaining it, but... I feel fine, because I am clever.

Do you recognise something similar in your own situation?

What is most interesting is that it is precisely the closest people who try to change your comfort zone, because it is easier to see from the outside that you are "living incorrectly". They reprimand, lecture, and give advice until they get their way - the person begins to feel threatened and starts doubting their choices, their pace of life, their relationships at home and at work. Moreover, in my view, this unambiguous intrusion into another person's comfort zone is very characteristic of post-Soviet countries, where for generations there existed one correct opinion - how to dress, how to behave, how to sacrifice oneself for the collective good, how to feel uncomfortable about one's individual peculiarities.

I have an acquaintance who will never eat from plastic dishes or accept a piece of cake offered on a napkin, even if it means publicly embarrassing the host or going to a more expensive restaurant - even when money is not the issue at that particular moment. I have a friend who would rather spend a day on mineral water alone but would walk into the nearest shop and buy decent tights for her last 10 lats. My former classmate would never leave the house or stay overnight anywhere if she couldn't wash and set her hair in the morning. How practical are each of these habits, how healthy or how eccentric?

Previously, since all these people are close to me, I would even argue with them about such impractical notions. I was in the right, stuffed full of various necessary and unnecessary assumptions, had to express my opinion about everything - how can you make the host feel uncomfortable, or not think about tomorrow by spending your last money, or not stay the night at a friend's if they have no shower. Now I respect these people for their quirks and even envy them, because they have preserved their comfort zone solely because that is how they feel good - and everyone else can go jump.

I know my own flaw well too - I like to control everything, trusting no one completely (doing everything myself), and making the world revolve according to my schedule. Everything and everyone that restricts my freedom to act according to my intentions is a threat to my comfort. Egocentric, isn't it? Of course, as a result of upbringing and life experience, I have successfully learned to bite my tongue, better to say nothing, publicly agree, but later manoeuvre my own way, feel guilty that the poor others aren't managing (and good for them that they aren't).

As an aside - in a magazine article I really liked the phrase: "An egoist is a person who does not spend their entire life caring for the wellbeing of other egoists." I cut it out to paste in my dream collage (one of the feng shui features - define visually what you want to be and what you will have in the future).

One's own comfort zone can only be changed by the person themselves. If a person is ready to relinquish their victim or hero status in the eyes of another - most often a very close and significant person - they can also change their lifestyle: become more athletic, more open, lazier, more diligent, more punctual, and so on.

Are you ready to share what your comfort zone is?